My revelation

I posted this on myspace and facebook about a month ago... but thought I'd share it here too.... I like to go in and read it every now and then to remind myself how far I've come in this adoption process.
...................................................................................................................................................................

This may sound hokey to some. But last night I was watching a church service on tv and the message TOTALLY spoke to me. Normally I am leary of televangelists, this one is more of a motivational speaker than a Preacher, but last night was something I needed to hear. It was about faith, how the enemy uses trials to weaken our faith, how God uses trials to increase our faith, how when we face problems we need to face them as temporary, just everything that I have done wrong over the last year. This process (adoption) has made me lose faith. I did some soul searching last night and I see it. All of the doubts, fears, concerns are the enemy working in me. I know my faith has been tested, and I see it now. I had lost faith in God in this process. It is hard to explain but something clicked inside me last night. The trials we are going through are NOT signs we are supposed to quit. The adversities we are facing with our agency are not permanent. God is working in me, and I feel it today. I truly believe in my heart that God did not give me this desire to hurt me or disappoint me. He gave me this desire because he needs me to be the Mother to another child. As impatient as I am, he is working for me. He is working in me, to regain that faith in him that I once had. And my heart was open and received his message. I woke up today a completely different person.... the old Sharon that leaned on and trusted in Him.... .