Saturday, January 31, 2009

update on the shelter dogs

well, I am glad to report that Zeus is just fine now. 2 days of muscle relaxers and he is now back to his old "Zeusinator" self. Thank goodness! Grace's eye is still messed up, but I am giving her some antibiotic eye drops that are helping clear it all up. Thank goodness we have already been through all this stuff before and have extra meds for the doggies leftover. I sure couldn't afford a trip to the vet right now!

My brother is in town, and we went over to my Mom and Dad's tonight and had dinner with him, his girlfriend and some of my parents friends. We had a great time. My mother is NOTORIOUS for keeping things in her fridge that have long expired.... it is a pet peeve of mine... you can't open her refrigerator and find anything.... it is packed to the brim with stuff. I have to say she is a bit of a packrat.... but she is trying to do better. Anyways.... the boys found some expired egg nogg in there, some jokes were made about betting they couldn't drink the egg nogg and hold it down. A few minutes later and $40 on the table, we were all out back watching my boys drink expired egg nogg. Now before anyone goes freaking out, the egg nogg hadn't even been opened and smelled fine, I made sure of that first. Needless to say, we had a lot of laughs and the boys came out $20 richer. We really had a good time..... family, isn't that what life is all about!?

Garrett is now at a slumber party.... but boys don't call it that, they are "sleepovers". Blaine is at a friends. Robert and his brother went to watch the UFC fight at a sports bar... I am sitting here alone with my shelter dog misfits enjoying the hum of the washing machine.

And Blaine's room smells great after all the kids left and I sprayed some odor neutralizer! :-)

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. A family that I can spend time with, laugh with, and that we enjoy each others company.
2. That my dogs are all better.
3. Peace and quiet... it's a rarity but it is nice when I can get it.
4. Warm weather today (it was 20 on Wednesday and today I had to run the a/c in my car).
5. The wonderful pork tenderloin my Dad made for dinner tonight.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Welcome to Sharon's zoo

Welcome to Sharon's zoo of misfit shelter dogs..... that should be my blog title.

Last night was an eventful night as far as our dogs go. It all started with Zeus. He did something yesterday (pulled a muscle, stomach pain, SOMETHING) and started this horrific ear piercing screeching noise all of a sudden. You would have thought someone killed this poor dog. We all searched and none of us can find what is wrong with him. He is in pain, after doing research on the net, I am thinking he is having back pain. I gave him some little dog muscle relaxers and hoped I could get a good nights rest. NOT! That dog screeched and yelped allllll night long. I actually SLEPT from 3am to 5am, that is the longest he went without screeching. Bless his heart. In the middle of all that, Faith started his dry heaving coughing thing. Faith has horrible allergies and gets like this every once in a while. Immediately followed by Pixie making yacking noises. She is a breeder rescue and INHALES her food, resulting in this not so pleasant yacking sound when she is inhaling a whole piece of food. And I look over at Grace and she has scratched her eye on something (probably hiding from Zeus's blood curdling screams) and her eye is all watery and gooky. And all night, the 3 other dogs hid because they were terrified of what Zeus was doing.

Remind me again why I have FOUR DOGS? Oh yea, cuz I'm the crazy dog lady!!!!

We have kept Zeus on the puppy muscle relaxers and he seems to be doing better. He has a little spunk back, but still isn't 100%. If he isn't better by Monday, I'm going to have to take him to the vet. Poor little guy....

Went and visited Audrey yesterday on my lunch break. She looks great, is still in pain, but she was doing remarkably well. She is such a precious little girl!

Other than that.... nothing exciting going on. I have a house full of 5 teenage boys. I dare y'all to walk into that bedroom they are in without gagging. It is like testosterone is just permeating in the air when you get that many teenage boys together. As my saying goes.... living in a testosterone zone. Lord, PLEASE bring me a little girl and SOON.

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. That it is Friday!
2. That my brother is in town and I am going to visit with him, my Mom and Dad tomorrow.
3. That my husband made brownies. My dinner tonight was a brownie and milk. YUMMMM. And nutritious!
4. That God keeps me strong through this oh-so-painful adoption process.
5. That I have 3 cans of air freshener..... Blaine's room is going to need it after tonight!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I love ice days!

I haven't blogged in a week... been in an extreme FUNK lately. So I figured it was time to find something else to do with my time other than sit around feeling sorry for myself.
Monday I spent the day and evening at Children's Hospital with my dear friend Sabrina and her daughter Audrey. Audrey was born with bilateral cleft lip and palate. She had her first surgery when she was 4 months old, and this surgery at 18 months was her second. This surgery they worked on her hard palate and released her nose so that it wasn't pulled so tight. She did great in the surgery and for the first few hours after recovery. Now she is in pain, can only have fluids to drink (no eating) and her arms are in "no-no's" to keep her from touching her face. To fix the hard palate, they go in and put sutures in and pull her palate taught (like shoelaces in a shoe), stretching her palate until it is almost closed, resulting in extreme pain where the palate has been stretched. She is such a trooper, such a sweet little girl, and I am praying for a quick recovery.



Tuesday I went to work and waited for the ice/sleet to hit. Thank goodness it didn't hit until I got home from work. Tuesday night we heard all these sirens in our neighborhood. The guys were watching a horror movie (I HATE those!) and the internet was down.... so me being the nosey person I am, had to go investigate. Blaine being the trooper that he is, went with me. It ended up being a house fire. State troopers had the street blocked off, police galore, 4 fire trucks out front, more out back we couldn't count how many, nearby town's fire departments responded. So Blaine and I stood out in the 20 degree weather, in the rain and sleet (along with about 50 other people from the neighborhood) and watched the firefighters at work. I was in my pink fluffy pajamas, so we had to get out of there before the newspaper photographers showed up. Prayers going out to that family that endured this fire.

Today I woke up at 6 am to a text from the school that school was closed. HALLELUJAH! I love (I MEAN LOOOOVVVVEEEE ) ice days. It is like an extra vacation day from God. And a day that you can't leave the house to run errands, take the kids to do anything.... just watch tv, chill by the fire, and do things around the house. I cleaned this weekend, so I absolutely took advantage of being lazy today. I slept off and on until noon (and soooo needed it, haven't been sleeping well), watched a Chris Farley movie, am watching Oprah now.... I thank you Lord for this nice day off!
This week we have been picking out classes for my soon to be FRESHMAN and JUNIOR. (where does the time go?) I blogged before that I am TRYING to get Garrett to take some Pre-AP classes next year.... guess what? He was recommended to take Pre-AP Social Studies next year and HE WANTS TO! (doing the happy dance over here!) And he signed up for a soccer club at school, they meet on Wednesdays after school. I want Garrett to take a few more Pre-AP classes and am going to continue working on that one. Garrett is wanting to take FRENCH as his second language... and I am sure it has to do with "the ladies". :-) Blaine is working on his "Distinguished" graduation plan and everything is looking good for that. Next year he will start taking AP classes, he has met all his Pre-AP requirements this year. I am so proud of my boys.... when I was in high school, I did the very MINIMUM required to graduate (and barely did so). My boys are striving to achieve things I never did, and I am so proud of them. We are talking about colleges with both boys, Blaine has a few picked out. My boss is helping me with the process... since I never went to college, I have no idea where to start and he has been a huge blessing with that part of it.

Other than that, it has been the same ol' same ol'. I am still in an adoption funk... but continue to read "my revelation" to remind me why I am still doing this. So far it has helped.... but some days I just can't help but being grouchy about it.

Well, off to watch Oprah.... if you read this far, thank you... I had a lot of rambling to do!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

not too chatty tonight

it is 11:00 and I need to get to bed. Just wanted to type a few things.

OBAMA TSHIRTS...... At lunch a co-worker and I went and ran some errands today. One of the shops we were in had Obama tshirts on the racks. Y'all, I was shocked. "Obama is my homeboy".... "Save the drama for Obama".... those were the 2 that stuck out in my mind. REALLY? Do people think wearing Obama is my homeboy tshirts is what he is all about? I don't know why but those shirts really bothered me. NOT because I dislike Obama. But because of the message it sends.... Obama has worked really hard to get where he is... and I DOUBT he wants to be your homeboy buddy! Am I missing the humor in this? Now you want to wear a shirt that says Obama HOPE (that was on a flag I saw flying at a house outside my office today)... then that is ok.... wear it all you want! I am all for supporting someone you believe in. But OBAMA IS MY HOMEBOY!? Come on...

I am in a crappy, I WANT THE PHONE TO RING MOOD today... so I won't bore y'all with that. It comes and goes in cycles. Tonight I am just irritated that we haven't gotten a call that has resulted in a placement for us. And damned tired of waiting to be honest!

And we meet our umpteenth caseworker tomorrow.... so wish me luck! I didn't even clean the house tonight. I am sooooooo over the white glove test for every new caseworker we get. As a matter of fact, I didn't even vacuum the floors!!!!! (I know, I'm a rebel! haha)

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. My husband.... he is awesome!
2. A beautiful sunny day, in the 70's!
3. Dove chocolate...
4. That Blaine figured out how to get in his car today when he locked his keys in his car AGAIN. And I sure wish I could have recorded that 6'4" young man crawling through the hatchback of his little bitty sports car to get to the keys in the ignition!
5. Diet coke.... I can not live a day without my diet coke!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

just my rambling about the inauguration

I didn't get to watch most of the inauguration because I was at work. But I did catch the end of it. I have to say, I got a little teary eyed watching Bush fly away today. I will be the first to say, I am not very smart when it comes to politics(unlike my friend Mel, she ROCKS when it comes to politics!). But watching him fly over the horizon onto a new chapter in his life, I had tears welling up in my eyes. I don't agree with a lot that Bush has done as President. But I DO believe he did the best he could, and made the decisions he thought were right. He made some tough decisions, and faced a lot of adversity during his terms as President. And it was a bittersweet day for me to see him go. And I wonder.... did Mrs. Bush get on that helicopter and kick her shoes off and sigh a HUGE sigh of relief? I picture them sitting on the helicopter looking at each other, not saying a word like old married couples do, and smiling, both a little relieved this chapter in their life is complete.

Now we move on to a new chapter. Let me just say, I am not an Obama fan. I think he is a good speaker and has a lovely family, but that is about all I am impressed with. I hope he proves me wrong.... President Obama has his work cut out for him, and I wish him the best. Our country needs a lot of help, and I just pray that he is the one to start the process to change our country for the better. I don't think one President can fix our country, but it has to start somewhere. We didn't get in this condition overnight and it won't be fixed overnight.

I ask that each of you reading this... I ask that you pray for our country and for our President every single day. Obama has his work cut out for him, and I pray for his guidance, strength and wisdom as he leads our country from this day forward.

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. Coupons! I have saved $95 since Friday in coupons.
2. That my boss let us off work early yesterday.
3. That Blaine is finding a social life and staying busy with school activities and church.
4. That Garrett MIGHT have all A's and B's on his report card (still waiting on one class grade before we know for sure).
5. That Erin got her snow day she wanted!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Taking time to rest

This has been a crazy week, and I knew I was exhausted.... I finally got my sleep late day today, I slept until after 10! I haven't done that in FOREVER! I had so much I wanted to do today. I wanted to wash my car, take the boys to a place here in town and take their pics, clean out the hall closet, sew my dining room curtains since my makeshift velcro things I used to keep them together keep coming undone, wanted to take the boys to the movies tonight, sign Gar bear up for soccer, go to Hobby Lobby to get thread to sew a few projects....

You know what I did today? I had Blaine go wash my car (he is so sweet) and I sat my butt on the couch watching movies ALL day. I did one load of laundry, washed the living room curtains and took a nice hot soaking bath. But other than that... I have done nothing.

I knew I was worn out from the week.... but it wasn't until today that I realized just HOW worn out I was.

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. Hubby and me having a quiet night together last night
2. Lazy Saturdays
3. Turtle fudge sundaes from Braum's (I am trying to telekinetically get that one to Robert so he'll go get me one)
4. That Blaine is not dating "that girl" anymore
5. A beautiful, sunshiney, winter day today... but warm enough I could open my windows and air out the house.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Will this week end?

Tonight was Garrett's poetry reading at a coffee shop here in town (I say Garrett's, it was the 7th and 8th grade drama students and Garrett was one of them). I was shocked at the amount of people that were there tonight! This is a small town, maybe 20 kids read poetry, but I bet there were 100 people crammed in that coffee shop! It was so neat to see! Garrett read 2 poems and got to do the closing. I was so proud. This child was in speech therapy from age 3 to 11. And the fact that he can get up and speak/perform in front of a large crowd just amazes me... certainly something I CAN'T do!

This week has been exhausting, I am so ready for the weekend!

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. Watching my son recite poetry on stage in front of a large crowd.
2. That the week is ALMOST over.
3. The caramella coffee drink I had tonight that gave me just enough energy to make it through the evening.
4. For friends that love me, despite all my flaws.
5. Sleep late days... I am really longing for one of those right about now!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

my five's

not much to say... other than we got another call for a possible foster placement today. haven't heard anything on it. and blaine locked his keys in his car at church tonight... ugh but i did manage to find my son a NICE pair of size 13!!!! tennis shoes on clearance today for $29.99! on the way to school this morning he let me know why his shoes disappeared, they are too small and he didn't want to wear them... REALLY!? i can't believe my 13 year old son is in a size 13 mens tennis shoe already! another goofy day in sharonville.... so i just wanted to post my five's for the day...

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. another foster call, at least i know they are trying to put some kiddos in our home!
2. spare keys!
3. quiet time (what is that?)
4. the beach.... i soooooooooo need a vacation!
5. God... need i say more?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

My Tuesday

Well today started out as a typical day around our household.... running late this morning, but thankfully our carpool kid didn't need a ride, so everything is good... right!? haha think again! I get out of the shower to find a chewed up box of benadryl all over my bedroom floor. Ugh! I had to treat Faith's ears this morning, by state law we have to have our meds locked up... which happens to be at doggy height. So I get her medicine out and forget to shut the lid. I found 2 benadryl wrappers chewed up but all the medicine is in there. So thankfully no harm done. But it was definitely a forewarning to keep the meds locked up a LITTLE better from now on (ok a LOT).

Then we go to leave and Garrett can't find his shoes. Ugh... we are 15 minutes late, he is about to be tardy... and HOW DOES A 13 YEAR OLD LOSE HIS DARNED SHOES? Neither one of us can find them, so he has to wear Blaine's old shoes to school. (btw, they ended up being UNDER the coffee table).

So I get to work and a little after 9 Blaine texts me that he broke up with this "girl". Y'all have NO IDEA how proud I was of him. That took a lot of guts, and I honestly didn't think he had the "kahuna's" to do it. He did and he has been in great spirits all night long. He said he really sees HER now, and doesn't like anything about her. I pray now that he continues to think that way. I know God has a really sweet girl (are there any left these days???) out there for him, and I am so glad he freed himself of this girl and her drama so he can find "the one". Ahhhh... high school romance.

Speaking of high school.... tonight was Garrett's Freshman orientation for next year. (starting a bit early, wouldn't you say?) He wore his Ed Hardy shirt up there and when we were leaving some really cute girl said "hey... I love that shirt". Garrett IMMEDIATELY turned red and mumbled "thanks" to her, totally avoiding eye contact. It was so funny.... He is still scared of girls. I wonder how long that will last? I can not BELIEVE my BABY WILL BE A FRESHMAN in August! I feel sooooooo old! He is going to play football, soccer and stay in drama next year. I am so glad he is staying in drama, he really is good at it. I couldn't convince him to take any Pre-AP classes, but I am going to work on that one.

Speaking of drama, Garrett has a "poetry reading" at the local coffee house this Thursday. I am kind of excited about that. I have such a fear of talking to people I don't know, and speaking in front of people, that I really enjoy watching him do those things. It makes me so proud!

I am so tired... so off to bed.

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. Blaine's strength and courage to do the right thing and end this relationship with "this girl".
2. Garrett's outgoing personality.
3. My SNA friends that pray for my kids and for me, I really appreciate each and every one of you!
4. Sunrises and sunsets.
5. Living in a country where my kids can pick what courses they want to take based on their personalities, where we can go to Church, where we can speak freely, and where we can worship God.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Our first call!

First thing this morning, I got a call from our agency placement worker for a possible foster placement. I was ecstatic! Not just at the thought of having little ones occupying the princess room, or having little ones to love on... but TO ACTUALLY GET A CALL! The kiddos found a home to stay in, and I am thankful for that. All the siblings got to stay together, so that is important. But I am still elated that we got a call..... They know we exist! :-) And I hope we get another one soon, that we are picked for!

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. That Robert filled up my car yesterday when he went grocery shopping (thus taking care of the 2 things in life that I loathe!)
2. To know we are on the call list at the agency.
3. Laughing and joking with my kiddos and seeing them smile.
4. Robert making me coffee this morning (awwww he is a sweet man!)
5. That I have managed to keep my wish of eating out once a week at lunch (all last week and this week thus far. don't laugh, that is a record for me!)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Happy family time

We had THE BEST family time weekend this weekend. And I am so thankful. The week didn't start off so good... but this weekend I feel like I have my family "back". Friday night we watched movies together, Saturday the shelter and another movie, today we watched football, talked, joked with each other and I taught Blaine how to do his own laundry. And Robert did the grocery shopping! Hallelujah! (there are two things in this world I absolutely LOATHE... grocery shopping and getting gas in the car). As a matter of fact, I didn't get out of my pajamas until late this afternoon! LAZY LADY!

Trials are temporary.... trials are temporary.... trials are temporary.... that has been my chant all week long.

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. Having a family that cuts up with each other, laughs at each other, and despite all our faults... LOVES each other.
2. For my dear Husband going grocery shopping.
3. For a nice peaceful family weekend.
4. For the Starbuck's coffee Robert bought me today.
5. For God...... need I say more?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Our day at the homeless shelter

Just wanted to share our day at the homeless shelter. It was a day of blessing, a good family day, we all got along, we all laughed, we worked together, and we saw just how blessed we truly are.

This idea came to fruition before Christmas. I felt it was something we needed to do as a family. I wanted to show my boys just how blessed they are, little did I know, I needed to see that too. I thought it would be a good life lesson for the boys. I wanted to teach them to share their time, to do for others, I wanted them to see how good they have it. And I wanted to show them how choices they make affect them for the rest of their lives. This all stemmed from some bad choices that Garrett was making. I felt it was time we showed them the harsh reality of bad choices, so they didn't just view it as "an after school special".

So... we drive an hour to get there. We drive up and every window has 2 or 3 people standing in it just looking outside. It was kind of creepy. The boys were kind of scared, not knowing what to expect, and really... so was I.

We sign in and a resident takes us back to the kitchen. We wash up, put on our hair nets, our chef coats, gloves, etc. The food is all prepared already, so all we have to do is serve. They need one person on the outside of the kitchen handing out chips and the rest of us serving the food. I guess Blaine, Garrett and I felt "safe" in the kitchen, so Robert got to go out and hand out chips. They go over the rules, how much to serve, serve the workers first because the residents have to go to chapel before they eat. We all laughed because ironically, Robert's chef coat says "Chef Robert" on it. And he was handing out chips! So we have dubbed him "The Chip Man". :-)

We served pizza and ramen noodles. I got worried because I could see my boys eyes light up. They were in junk food heaven!!! I do have to admit, the pizza looked REALLY good. And my boys love ramen noodles. Garrett said the homeless shelter food looked better than their school food does. We all got a laugh out of that one. So I served the ramen noodles. Blaine served pizza and Garrett got the trays and bowls ready for us. We worked together as a team. They eventually ran out of pizza and we served hot dogs and ramen noodles.

We saw all kinds of people. Most were VERY nice. Some with some mental issues. Some with entitlement issues. Most were happy, smiling, thanked us for being there. Some were mad because we didn't serve enough (but we had been told what to serve). For the most part, everyone was very pleasant and nice. We saw infants and kids. We saw teenagers. We saw elderly people. We saw handicapped people. We saw people that looked like someone's Grandparents. We saw all races, all walks of life. We saw kids with cell phones and mp3 players. Actually we saw LOTS of people with cell phones. That was one thing we all thought was weird. But I guess everyone now days has a cell phone.

There was only one woman that bothered us. She was IRATE because we had accidentally served seconds to some. The resident "head honcho" saw her come through the line and told her no seconds. He had to make sure everyone had something to eat. She got MADDDD. She stood about 20 feet from us and just gave us dirty looks for about 10 minutes. We smiled and went about our business. Then when they called for seconds, she didn't stand in the line, she just cut right in front of everyone. This was a good lesson on entitlement.

Then we had a man come up and ask for another tray, he said some lady stole his. I thought it was weird and handed him an empty tray. He said "no... she took my food too!". Well, guess who it was. That same lady. We had a nickname for her. It wasn't nice, so I'm not going to share it.

Someone ask us to warm their food up in the microwave. We had someone ask for 17 hot dogs. We had someone ask if there was tomato paste in the pizza because she is allergic to tomatoes. We had someone on a diet. We had someone mad at what they were serving. We had someone mad because they ran out of coke. We had someone that wouldn't eat the hot dogs because they don't eat pork. It was interesting!

So we served for 2 hours. We laughed. We enjoyed each others' company. We worked together. We talked. So then we left. The boys REALLY enjoyed it and asked if this is something we could do on a permanent basis. I was thrilled! We talked all the way home, then stopped and got something to eat and talked and laughed at the restaurant.

It was a great day, and a wonderful thing to do as a family. If you have ever thought about volunteering at a homeless shelter, I would highly recommend it. And if you go, take a few clothes from your closet, some feminine hygiene products, soap or toothpaste with you. We saw today, that these are people just like us. We are all God's children, and we all deserve to be treated as such. Everyone should have food to eat, a smile from a stranger, a friendly greeting and we all have something to offer each other.


FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. A wonderful day helping others with my family.
2. EVERYTHING God has blessed me with, I have more than I deserve.
3. Lazy days.
4. Goofy, funny and girly movies.
5. Vitamin water.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Okay day

Well, today was a little better, and I had faith that it would be. I had a nice conversation with my boss and feel much better with that situation. Times are tough all over, and that also applies to the insurance industry.

Had a nice lunch with my mom and 2 co-workers. I didn't get to talk to her about what all is going on, but I will.

Today I just feel worn out, but not broken.... so that is good. Tomorrow, we are volunteering at a homeless shelter here in Dallas (as a family). I am looking forward to that and hope it is a good life lesson for the boys (how bad choices lead to bad consequences, working on the entitlement stuff, etc.). I hope to do this monthly, we will see how it goes. ;-)

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. That it is FRIDAY!
2. For the candles my Mom gave me today, they smell so good!
3. For the conversation with my Boss.
4. That it was beautiful outside today!
5. That God keeps me going when I don't feel like I can go one step further.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Broken

Do you ever have days where you just feel BROKEN? You know that soul shattering, effort crushing, ego bursting, broken feeling? I am having one of those days today. I KNOW there is a spiritual battle going on... everything I strive to be great at is being attacked by the enemy. So I am keeping that in mind... and tomorrow I will wake up and start a new day. But until then, it is hard to keep my chin up. Today I feel a failure in so many ways. I pride myself in doing a good job, especially in the things that are important to me. It seems like today pride is not a good thing to have.

The struggles with Blaine... I knew they were coming. I know he is a good kid, did I really think I was a good enough Mom that we wouldn't have these struggles? I've seen parents much better than I end up with the most horrific situations with their kids. I've seen parents that don't do anything with or for their kids and the kids turn out fine. But I guess in an egotistical naive way, I did think I had done a good enough job that we wouldn't have normal teenage issues. I guess I thought I had done a great enough job raising this child, that we would be void of any teenage struggles that I see so many parents going through. Well, I was wrong.

And then my job. I work for the best boss ever. Not as good as Mel's boss, but almost. :-) Well today he let us know that he was disappointed in us. Ouch... that hurts. This man deserves so much more than I've given over the last few months. I feel so shameful that my boss had to get on to us (and he was so nice about it). I should be doing the best for him, and I haven't. I have been lazy and lax and he deserves so much more.

Then my boss shares that we will not be getting a bonus this year. Profits are down. That bonus (although I don't deserve one with the performance I've given) was to pay for our family vacation this year. We haven't taken a vacation in 2 years and I so desperately want to take my kids to so many places before they are grown and have families of their own. And I am running out of time.

I just feel like I haven't done my best in anything that I do. My marriage, my kids, my job, my spirituality.... and today I just feel like one big failure.

I know it could be so much worse. I REALLY do. But today was the epic "straw that broke the camel's back" for me.

I am determined to not let the devil win this one. Writing is therapeutic for me, so I am getting this out instead of keeping it in... so that tomorrow I can wake up and have a better day, a better attitude and be a better person.

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. That no matter what I fail at throughout the day, in my dogs' eyes I am still a hero.
2. I am thankful for caramel fudge sundaes. I sure could use one today!!!
3. I am thankful that my kids are healthy.
4. I am thankful that my husband loves me no matter what.
5. I am thankful that I am eating lunch with my Mom tomorrow... I sure need her.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

my five's

it is almost midnight, and i have to get to bed... just wanted to post my five's (Mel, thank you for this idea.... it really does help on weeks like this week where it is hard to see the thankful things)...

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. A clean house.
2. That Robert cooked dinner.
3. My fluffy blanket I got for Christmas... I don't know who loves it more, me or my dogs. When I get it out, they all come running.
4. My job, my boss and my co-workers. The job is so mundaine sometimes... but I am thankful I HAVE a job, and so thankful for the people I work with.
5. The smell of rain.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Trials in raising a teenager

Most of you know the trials I am going through with Blaine right now, so I won't repeat. That is where my focus has been today. I have prayed, asked my friends to pray, and I've asked God to handle this situation for me, as I have done all I can do. It is not something I can fix on my own, I need something bigger than I will ever be. My stomach has been torn up all day over this. I go over the worse case scenarios in my head (and my mind wanders far far away)... and finally this afternoon, I have peace with this. I trust that God is in control, and ask that he guide me in what to say and what to do and ask him to take control over this situation.

It also seems that many around me are having major trials. One co-worker's 13 year old son passed out and had a seizure this weekend, they are going through testing to see what is wrong. My boss' sister in law is having major issues (privacy being used here). Another co-worker got a dirty message on her phone from some of her son's 10 year old friends and she is having to deal with notifying the other parents. Robert's co-worker's dad has had hospice called in for him. Robert's cousin is battling breast cancer. And those are just the ones that come to mind immediately.... there are so many more.

It seems that everyone I know is going through some kind of trial, and my heart breaks for each one of them. However, I do know that God allows these trials for a reason. We usually don't understand why at the time, but I know that God has something good in store for each one of these people. Trials are only temporary. If we think of them as more than that, they can become more than that.

All I can do as a friend, is pray for each and every one of them and to trust that God is in control.

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. That I can take my problems to Him and know that things will be ok.
2. That I can be here to support my friends through their trials and pray for them.
3. That I live in a country where I can blog about God and his wonderfulness.
4. That today was much easier to tolerate than yesterday.
5. That I made it through another day to kiss my boys goodnight.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Paying tribute to a wonderful Woman

It was this week, FIVE years ago, that I lost my "Mammaw" Wilson. She was a legend, an icon in my eyes, a strong woman, someone I truly miss every day of my life. I still have dreams about her, I still smell her "scent" sometimes during the day. I love this woman and miss her so much.

She was a wonderful Mom, a wonderful Grandmother, she always had a smile on her face, she loved jewelry (it finally dawned on me where I got my love of jewelry from), she was married to an alcoholic, yet I remember her always smiling, laughing, cooking, doing for others...

Nothing I write can sum up the amazing qualities this woman possessed. She cooked, she sewed, she did ceramics, she quilted. She taught me how to sew and how to paint ceramics. I am who I am in part to this woman. She was one of the instrumental people in my life that helped mold me into who I am today.

I remember one week she kept us while my parents went on a ski trip. I LOVED when she would come stay with us, it was one on one time with Mammaw. One night for dinner she made my brother and I salmon and eggs. Like the canned salmon, that lord knows had probably expired 10 years before that. My brother and I were mortified, but had to "clean our plate" before we could go outside and play. So we decided we would stuff the food in our mouths and run outside and dispose of the food. Our plan worked, it was perfect. And it sure did make for some laughable memories.

Her last days, we knew they were coming. We all traveled to see her for "one last Christmas". She had moved to a nursing home and we all took turns visiting her so she would not be overwhelmed. I remember her telling my cousin that she was ready for the angels to come take her away. Little did we know, that we would be back that next week to bury her and put her to rest. The angels DID come and take her away, to a much better place.

So today, I want to pay tribute to a woman that means the world to me. I love you and miss you so much Mammaw, and hope to see you one day in heaven.

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. Mammaw Wilson
2. That my work day is over, and it wasn't too hectic
3. That I have food on the table to feed my kids
4. That I have a roof over our heads to keep us warm from this freezing rain
5. That I am a child of God, and that he loves me despite my MANY faults.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Been a busy bee

This weekend, I have taken down all the Christmas stuff, rearranged and redecorated Garrett's room, rearranged the living room and family room, and cleaned the house from top to bottom. What an amazing sense of accomplishment I have right now... but my back sure is aching! haha I told Robert, NOW CPS CAN CALL WITH A PLACEMENT! ;-)

I'm too tired (and too focused on HAVING to go back to work tomorrow) to write anything inspiring...

FIVE THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR:
1. A clean, rearranged house!
2. The blazing fire in the fireplace!
3. Quality time with my Hubby!
4. Funny goofy movies!
5. Victoria's Secret underwear (random, I know!)!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Absolutely exhausted

I started out my day full of energy. I wanted to rearrange Garrett's room while he was gone, a way to fill the quiet time I guess. It took me FOUR hours to clean this kids room and rearrange his furniture! I have a huge black trash bag full of trash, old clothes and missing pieces of stuff. You can bet it is sitting in the middle of his room for him to see when he gets home! :0)

We went and got Blaine from his Grandma's tonight. I am soooooooo glad he is home! He is sick with the altitude adjustment. But he is home! After we picked him up, we met a friend at a mexican food restaurant and I had TWO margaritas. :0) Needless to say, I am ready for bed!

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. Blaine is home!
2. Dinner with friends and good margaritas!
3. The energy to clean my kids rooms spotless, and rearrange the furniture!
4. Another day to wake up to be a Wife, Mom, Friend, Daughter....!
5. My king sized pillow top bed! Night night!

Friday, January 2, 2009

TGIF!

It is Friday, the kids are gone and I am spending quality time with the hubby.... so not much time to post. Just wanted to post my FIVE'S

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. Quality time with the Hubby
2. That Blaine got to go to Colorado and Garrett got to go to Arkansas. I am thankful they get to experience something new.
3. Pink chenille
4. Having a half day off today
5. Dulche deleche cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Nothing interesting

Well today I have nothing interesting to say (do I ever???).

Blaine is still in Colorado, and he is having a blast. He went to Pike's Peak today and called on the way down from the mountain. He sounded like a little kid on Christmas morning. He said they were driving down the mountain and he saw snow and asked them to stop. So they humored him, stopped, and let him play (by himself!) in the snow. He asked me if we could take a family vacation to the mountains because he really was enjoying all the snow.

Garrett is going to Arkansas to go "diamond digging" with our foster friends tomorrow, and will be gone until Sunday. He is so excited about his trip! He was researching on the internet about the diamond mines and about Arkansas... it was sooooo cute! He won't admit it but he is really missing his brother.

So tomorrow I will have one kid in Colorado and one in Arkansas. While I am glad they have these experiences, I will miss them terribly and worry about them until they get home safe. The house will be painfully quiet while they are gone.

So much for not having anything to say, huh?

FIVE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:
1. I am thankful for family and friends!
2. I am thankful for hot bubble baths on a cold winter's day!
3. I am thankful that I had the day off today!
4. I am thankful for the home we live in, with a room to spare for whoever God sends our way!
5. I am thankful for baby belly laughs!